Damn near every morning that I’d wake up, for the past 7+yrs, my mind would immediately go to taking a pain pill. Nothing else could take the place of having to take that medication first thing every morning. Sometimes it would be 1…sometimes it was 3-4, or 6.
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I can’t even begin to fathom the amount of pills that I have consumed over all of these years. I told myself that I needed them to get through the day. I told myself that they were helping me get through the day. I told myself all kinds of shit to prolong the inevitable…their end…or my end.
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Addiction is not a disease. It’s a mother fucking choice…know this. Us as a society using this bullshit analogy is only prolonging the inevitable. The end…the end of this nightmare that has gripped every single family in this country. Addicts are master manipulators, and we’re giving them a free pass to continue their bullshit by even thinking weak shit like this.
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Thankfully things have changed in the way that opioids are administered. There has been more than once that they came dangerously close to killing me, just by the sheer volume I was prescribed…not to mention what I would take in addition to that. Or me possibly killing myself, or others, by doing shit that I shouldn’t have been doing while on them. It deeply saddens me to know that that’s who I had allowed myself to become. That simple fact drives me more than anything…to get as far away as fucking possible from who I allowed myself to become. As a father…as a husband…as a son…as a brother…as a friend…you get the point.
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None of that matters though, it’s all in the past where it belongs. Thing’s are constantly changing…that’s the only constant in life…and people can change too, if they want to. It’s never too late…unless it’s too late.
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Some, I’m sure, think what I’m doing is just a flash in the pan. That’ll it’ll fade, and that I’ll mellow out. Negative. Instead, it’s only going to get more intense. The fire I feel inside is just a little flicker of hope. It hasn’t even begun to see some flammables yet. It’s just getting started. Even though I’m just over 30 consecutive days of exercise now, I feel so behind, and it’s going to stay that way…because I am.
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When I first switched over from my bike a couple of weeks ago, and started lifting, I forgot where I was at with my reps constantly, so I’d just go until I felt like it was well past what I was supposed to do. (#OneMoreForTheCorps).
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ALWAYS BE WILLING TO DO MORE than you’re “supposed” to. Within a day or two of that forgetfulness, I quickly began using whatever was available to keep track of sets…these sheets of paper towels was it. The other day, for whatever reason(s), after counting them all up…I thought that I had been doing anywhere from 120-180reps each day. Lehi math skills I suppose. I still thought that was pretty neat, especially considering where I was just less than a month prior.
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Each one of those tally marks, however, represents 20 reps. 5 sets of 20 on each workout is what I’ve been able to do each day…and it works for me. Boy does it work for me. When I realized exactly how many I was doing each day, I was truly blown away. Little things add up to be big things.
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Instead of waking up and looking to take a pill…or 5. I’m feverishly looking to take in each of those repetitions. They have replaced the desire to ever take another pain pill in my life. I used to also take HANDFULS of Ibuprofen and Tylenol daily, but they don’t seem to work anymore, and they’re HORRIBLE for our bodies. So they’re out too. I’ve dealt with a lot of pain over the years, trying to mask most of it with bandaids. Needless to say, I’ve survived all of it…wether with the aid of medication, or not…I’ve survived it.
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All that medication does is simply trick our brains…our bodies still have to endure the pain we’re trying to mask. I’m choosing to face it, and to get stronger, in order to face the future pain that inevitably comes with life.
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“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”.👊
Whit Beal 